Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit,
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet,
All I ever think about is this,
All the tiring time between,
And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me.

I like you. A lot.

"We need that one person.

Who holds us tight. Keeps us going.

Keeps our head up. Holds us. Kisses us.

Talks with us for hours. Says "Babe I never want to leave you."

Tells you they love you every 5 minutes. They are out there and you will know when you see them."

I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Broken relationships, awkward friendships, the tears and the depression.

Is it ever worth it?

You're the perfect kid. You have the perfect university, perfect grades, you're the perfect genius, you're popular, you're everything. I dislike it. Because of you I have so many expectations to meet from our parents. If I hear "why can't you be more like your brother?" one more time, I'm going to break down and lose it.

I am a pessimist, pretending to be an optimist,

I am a selfish person, who acts selfless,

I am a horrible friend, who seems like a great one,

I am in love with you, but I act like I'm just your friend,

Because I'm worried if I show my true self, everything will fall apart.

I'm terrified.Terrified of failing at life, not succeeding and disappointing the people who rely on me.

Terrified that I'm going to spend the rest of my life alone because everyone eventually leaves.



I'm so, so scared.

You can spend, minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened - or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on.

You know what? I choose to move the fuck on. It may take time, but I'll get over you. I still want you, as a friend. But you know I'm through falling for you. I'm through wanting you. 'Cause you're a jerk sometimes. And I want someone who doesn't hurt me even though he does it as a joke. I want a guy who doesn't insult me half the time. I want a guy who respects my privacy. I want a guy.. who's not YOU.

Darling, You Are The Only Exception.

And remember this:

never say I love you, if you do not really care; never talk about feelings, if they are not really there; never touch a life,if you mean to break a heart; never say you are going to, if you do not plan to start; never look me in they eye when all you do is lie; never say hello, if you really mean goodbye..

Every girl has three guys in her life.
The one she loves.
The one she hates.
and the one she can't live without.
And in the end,
They're all the same guy.

Dear Stomach: I'm sorry for all the butterflies

Dear Heart: I'm sorry for all the heartache.

Dear Mind: I'm sorry for all the thoughts.

Dear Brain: You were right. You're always right.

I'm falling in love, but it's falling apart.

Just when I started opening up to you, you made me realise why I shut out the world.

"I'm punch-drunk and lovesick, my head weighs down with the memory of you, and baby I can't take this anymore."

To Fall For You Or Not To Fall For You?

Boy, you make my heart beat like the drums in Metallica's best songs. <3

Do I Ever Cross Your Mind?

Dear, You.

How are you? We haven't talked in a long time.

Still playing your guitar? How's school? You graduate soon, don't you?

Do you remember me? Do you remember us?

I'd email, but I guess we're better off like this. It's too awkward between us now.

You've moved on. I know. But I do wonder sometimes, "Do I ever cross your mind?"

Does what we had ever make you smile?

I may not miss what we had, but I do miss you.

Sometimes.

Me.

Yea. I Miss You.

I miss your face. I miss how you smiled at me once. I miss the ways I'd catch you staring at me sometimes. I miss the way I'd stare at you. I miss how I could stare at you for ages.

And the one time you acknowledge my existence, it's too late.

I fuckin' miss your face.

Of Starting Over.

I feel like life's moving way too fast. I'm leaving behind people I love the most. It's difficult. Starting over. And fitting in. I've never been good at either. I've never had the feeling of looking around and not seeing someone I recognise.

I don't like this. All these feelings.

Happily Ever After.

"Some never find it, some only pretend to, but me? I just want to live happily ever after every now and then."

"The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened."

And then you wake up and reality crashes to the floor.

Sometimes.

Must learn to stop expecting people to care about me as much as I care about them. Most people are takers. I, unfortunately, am a giver.

Will You Be My Forever?

So will you be my forever?
The one that stands beside me?
Will you be there in the end
When it's only you and me?
Will I be the one you come to
When your heart's in pain?
Will you let me shield you from the rain?
Will you be my forever?

Do Me A Favour.

Don't make me fall for you anymore than I already am.

Why Do I Even Try?

I'm so sick of everyone.
I'm trying to be a nice person. I really am. But it's not easy when everyone else around me is acting like an ASSHOLE.

Take my mother for instance. I wasn't rude to her. I helped her around the house and with other stuff. But she still treats me somewhat inferior and scolded me for no apparent reason. What the fuck? And she's killing me with her sarcasm. If I die you're all invited to my funeral.

What is wrong with people? Why do they all have to be so fucked up?

Can't I get a break? Please God? Just once?

Always Second Best.

I'm not perfect. And I don't ask to be loved more than anyone.

I ask to be loved just the same.

Change.

It's funny. I've never felt at a loss for words, but right now I have no idea how to express how I'm feeling inside. It's like I'm depressed at how I've let people down but at the same time, I'm defensive of myself. I haven't done anything wrong. Have I?

I make myself a promise today. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it, but it's worth a shot. I'm going to be a better person from now on. I'm going to stop being an asshole. I will try to be a better daughter, a good listener and be a friend to those who need me.

Too much has happened. I've had dreams stomped on, and that sometimes make me feel so low I can't feel anything.

Then I realised maybe it's because I'm a bitch that karma's coming back for me.

I don't know where I go from here, but hopefully it's a better path than the one I was on before.

Life is unfair and I'm still fucking pissed at it's unfairness, but it's the little things that happen which show you that you need to change.

Maybe there's still hope for me.

Right now, killing myself seems like the best option.

[Improbable Letter 2] I Love Your Existence.

Dear A,

YOU, you are one of the most amazing person I know. You know just the right words to say to make me feel better. One day you're gonna go to your dream Amreekan uni, and then you're gonna find me a couple of hot Amreekan boys, right? RIGHT? :P

I admire you and you're one of the coolest friends I've had. Around you I can be plain ol' ME and well, I hope we're friends till one of us dies, 'cause love is watching someone die, innit? :)

Love you.

Rahima.

P.S. - I wanted to write a longer letter, but I just didn't know what to write, since we text each other every other minute, and you probably already know how awesome I think you are :)

-R.

All I need is one good thing to happen to me to give me some sort of hope again because whatever hope I had just got fucked.

It Is What It Is.

Sometimes you realize that certain people aren't worth talking to anymore. And then sometimes you realize that certain people are the reason you still wish on a shooting star.

And while at times I may plead for some normality and stability and sanity in my life, most times I cherish the fact that no one in the world can have or deal with this life but me.

Kinda sorta wishing these cuts didn't take so long to heal. And kinda sorta feeling like that's a good thing I should be thinking.

I feel strong today, even though I feel so beat up.

I pretend I don't care, but it makes me miss you even more.

It feels like, we belong together

Can someone tell me where do I start?

You Just Don't Notice.

You never figure it out,

But when I go to sleep

You're the one I think about.

You don't know this,

But you have my heart.

You're killing me inside,

But you just don't notice.

All The Things I Wish I'd Said.

There's so much left unsaid.

and that's how it will stay.

The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you aren't worth the truth.

I want to go back to the time when the only thing that hurt was skinned knees.

I bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about and she's got everything that i have to live without; she'd better hold him tight, give him all her love, look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky. .


I wish i could be numb right now, cause all these feelings are fucking me up pretty bad.

[Improbable Letter] Hate Is A Strong Word But I Really Really Really Don't Like You.

Dear You,

I hate you. Ever since you came into my life, it's been a mess. You're a self absorbed jackass, who thinks just because he has money he can do anything and hurt anyone. Well reality check loser, it doesn't work that way.

I feel sorry for people who have to put up with you because frankly, you're a no good asshole. You drink, you smoke and then you say you've become a better person.

I'm not the least bit interested in you. I think you need to get a fucking life. Stop texting me. Stop calling me. I'm not gonna reply.

I don't need or want you in my life. I have other important stuff in my life rather than running after someone as pathetic as you.

Yes. You are and always were pathetic. You're rich and therefore you can buy anything. An admission to a great university despite your pathetic grades. Well, there are people who actually need to study to secure aids and scholarships to schools and universities because their parents don't have all the money in the world. Right now you may think you own the world but you don't. You're just another nobody and with that pathetic attitude of yours you'll always be a fucking failure.

I don't want to waste time after people like you, who make my life difficult.
Seriously, get over yourself. You're not as amazing as you think you are. Actually you're not amazing at all. You're just an asshole whom i NEVER want to talk to again.

Good Riddance.

Rahima.

Pretence.

It is so easy to convince myself of anything.
It is so easy to pretend.

It's socially acceptable only to be happy
or at least content
so I play the part.
Sometimes I even believe it's true.

And I want so badly to feel
something
anything.
a Connection.
to Something.
Someone.

So I imagine that these feelings are genuine.
I convince myself it's real.
I create a life, a world around something I've
made up
in
my
head.

Me Against The World.

Right now I'm just sitting on a bridge, gazing down at the water, too scared to jump, but too afraid to stay. . .

And I'm Blasting My Music, So I Won't Hear My Thoughts.

Suddenly this is all too hard. I am tired of putting up walls. I want someone with the strength and the honesty to break them down.

But It's Only Me And I Walk Alone.

It takes less than a second for someone you trust and depend on to turn their back on you.

It takes less than a week for your life to unravel in ways it could never be repaired.

It takes a lifetime of abandonment to make you feel like you are worth nothing.

And it will take a whole other lifetime just to numb yourself to the pain.

Comfortably Numb

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.]
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick.
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO PINK FLOYD FOR THE LYRICS.





I don't feel anything more. The comfortable part is nice... but I should really work on numb. Dammit. I'd rather feel PAIN than nothing at all. Sigh. When will this end? When will this ALL end?


Lifesuckslifesuckslifesucks.

I'M SCARED.

I need to getaway from here. I'm sick of most of the people in my life, even my friends. I love them, but I'm going through this weird phase, where nothing pleases me. Even if life was going the way I wanted it to, I wouldn't be satisfied.

I NEED A BREAK. A break from everything. I'm swearing more than I should, I fight with my mom everyday, I'm trying to live upto EVERYONE'S expectations, I'm trying hard to cling onto that thin vulnerable thread of my faith in God, and I'm scared.

I'm scared the thread will break. I'm scared of falling. I'm scared of letting my parents down. I'm scared of letting myself down.

Nothing Makes Sense Anymore.

This is IT.
I AM SICK OF IT!
IT'S NOT A FUCKING COMPETITION!
It hurts.

All my life I've lived through comparisons.. :/

Please don't tell me, i've met the end,
Take me away, will you set me free?
Smoke clouds the moonlit sky
It spreads across this hollow floor
Left for stranded, i'm on my knees..