Does she watch your favorite movies?
Does she hold you when you cry?
Does she let you tell her all your favorite parts when you've seen it a million times?
Does she sing to all your music while you dance to "Purple Rain?"
Does she do all these things, like I used to?
THIS song. Current obsession. Hurts so much. Have it on repeat for the 5th hour now.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
the way you roll your eyes.
the way you walk with your hands in your pocket.
the way that cute little dimple appears in your left cheek.
the way you teased me and I pretended to be mad but secretly loved it.
the way my heart didn't stop beating crazily whenever you said something good about me.
Just when I started opening up to you, you made me realise why I shut out the world.
I don't want anyone. Because I'm scared of the ending. I'm scared to like someone, open up completely, and then just get shut out. You give your heart away and then you just get it back but that one little piece is always gonna be missing.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
We all have those people, you know?
The one who is always there, there for us through every single up and down of our life.
The one who is always right there, riding the coaster with you, squeezing your hand tight on all the biggest, scariest hills telling you, "You'll be okay, you'll make it through. You can do this." You know that that person will never hop off the coaster at a stopping point to find an easier ride; that one person will stick with you because they want to. This person, they complete you, they bring the biggest smile to your face and make your life worth living. You know that they will always be there for you, no matter what.
Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and all three hundred sixty-five days of the year.
He says sorry.
She says No.
He insists. I really am sorry.
She says no you're not.
He says I really am. Please? :(
She give in. She accepts his apology.
Same old story. What he doesn't know is that it hurts. And what she doesn't understand is why her heart always forgives him.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
"He will try to take away my pain, and he might just make me smile, but the whole time I'm wishing he was you instead."
Do you know how much it hurts having to see and talk to you everyday and knowing that I'm not the reason why you're so happy? Do you know how much it hurts seeing that beautiful smile on your face everyday and knowing I'm not the reason behind that smile anymore? Do you know how much it hurts looking into those pair of beautiful eyes everyfuckingday and know I'm not the reason why they're shining like stars?
See these walls built up around me? You're the reason why I put them up. Because I've found it's foolish to trust someone, anyone. One day they'll say they love you and the next they'll be walking out the door. Because when you trust someone you give them the chance to break your heart. When you tear down the walls to let someone in, you make yourself vulnerable.
And that's what you did to me. That's exactly what you did to me. You made me vulnerable. You told me you loved me. You told me it was different this time. You told me you'd never leave me no matter how bad things got.
Tell me then how can you go around everyday with that smile on your face? Does your heart not hurt like mine? Does your heart still not beat crazily every time you see me? Do you not scroll through our old texts and wonder how you could let it all finish so easily?
"This is the last smile I'll fake for the sake of being with you".
I've had enough. Enough lies and deceit. How could you have let me down so easily. For the first time I was actually starting to believe love existed..
"And even when all your hope is gone, move along, move along, just to make it through."
After every storm comes a rainbow. I'm still waiting for mine, and hopefully it doesn't take too long to appear. It will take a while, and it will still hurt me every time I see you, but I'll do it.
And if you ever again realise that you were, in your words "wrong to be an ass to the one good thing that was happening to you", remember, "I'm long gone and moved on."
Monday, January 3, 2011
2010 was funny.
Went to a new school and met some people I really hope are in my life forever.
Had my heart broken and had my heart fixed.
But I started 2011 with a smile. I started 2011 talking to two people I'm really happy are in my life. I started 2011 not being depressed for the first time.
I have a good feeling about this year. I just do. *fingers crossed*