Why Do I Even Try?

I'm so sick of everyone.
I'm trying to be a nice person. I really am. But it's not easy when everyone else around me is acting like an ASSHOLE.

Take my mother for instance. I wasn't rude to her. I helped her around the house and with other stuff. But she still treats me somewhat inferior and scolded me for no apparent reason. What the fuck? And she's killing me with her sarcasm. If I die you're all invited to my funeral.

What is wrong with people? Why do they all have to be so fucked up?

Can't I get a break? Please God? Just once?

Always Second Best.

I'm not perfect. And I don't ask to be loved more than anyone.

I ask to be loved just the same.

Change.

It's funny. I've never felt at a loss for words, but right now I have no idea how to express how I'm feeling inside. It's like I'm depressed at how I've let people down but at the same time, I'm defensive of myself. I haven't done anything wrong. Have I?

I make myself a promise today. I don't know if I'll be able to keep it, but it's worth a shot. I'm going to be a better person from now on. I'm going to stop being an asshole. I will try to be a better daughter, a good listener and be a friend to those who need me.

Too much has happened. I've had dreams stomped on, and that sometimes make me feel so low I can't feel anything.

Then I realised maybe it's because I'm a bitch that karma's coming back for me.

I don't know where I go from here, but hopefully it's a better path than the one I was on before.

Life is unfair and I'm still fucking pissed at it's unfairness, but it's the little things that happen which show you that you need to change.

Maybe there's still hope for me.

Right now, killing myself seems like the best option.

[Improbable Letter 2] I Love Your Existence.

Dear A,

YOU, you are one of the most amazing person I know. You know just the right words to say to make me feel better. One day you're gonna go to your dream Amreekan uni, and then you're gonna find me a couple of hot Amreekan boys, right? RIGHT? :P

I admire you and you're one of the coolest friends I've had. Around you I can be plain ol' ME and well, I hope we're friends till one of us dies, 'cause love is watching someone die, innit? :)

Love you.

Rahima.

P.S. - I wanted to write a longer letter, but I just didn't know what to write, since we text each other every other minute, and you probably already know how awesome I think you are :)

-R.

All I need is one good thing to happen to me to give me some sort of hope again because whatever hope I had just got fucked.

It Is What It Is.

Sometimes you realize that certain people aren't worth talking to anymore. And then sometimes you realize that certain people are the reason you still wish on a shooting star.

And while at times I may plead for some normality and stability and sanity in my life, most times I cherish the fact that no one in the world can have or deal with this life but me.

Kinda sorta wishing these cuts didn't take so long to heal. And kinda sorta feeling like that's a good thing I should be thinking.

I feel strong today, even though I feel so beat up.

I pretend I don't care, but it makes me miss you even more.

It feels like, we belong together

Can someone tell me where do I start?

You Just Don't Notice.

You never figure it out,

But when I go to sleep

You're the one I think about.

You don't know this,

But you have my heart.

You're killing me inside,

But you just don't notice.

All The Things I Wish I'd Said.

There's so much left unsaid.

and that's how it will stay.

The worst part about being lied to is knowing that you aren't worth the truth.