I pretend to want things I don't want, and I pretend not to want things I do want. No one gets hurt. Except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want anymore. I just know I want it to be easy.

I have no idea what I want to do in life. Where to go for uni. Will probably get rejected from everywhere. Will end up having to major in something boring like Business which I don't even want to do. I don't know where my life is going. I need to get it in order. I've become so fucking lazy and distracted. People annoy the fuck out of me. I don't even know what I want to study. Everyone's getting university offers. I feel left out. I feel stupid. I keep letting down people. And I keep getting fucking compared to everyone else. I need something to look forward to. I need to know I won't be a disappointment. I need to sort my life out. And most of all I need something to believe in because whatever hope I had just got fucked.

I'm on my knees after a long long time. Because I'm so tired of not believing, I'll give you a try. Dear God, please help me?

fuck. my. life.

Don't forgot to call me, just to let me know you're doing okay, miles away from me. :)

He shines. In a world of ugliness. He matters. When everything else is meaningless.

In over my head

I wish I could put all my thoughts in a jar. I think too much. It causes me to over-think and analyze things I don't want to deal with. It gets too much for me to handle and I panic. I shut myself down and go to war with myself. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm tired of being sick. I'm sick of being tired. I'm sick of feeling sad. Sick of wanting things and people I can't have. I don't like who I am, but I have to live with it. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where I'm going in life. For once, I just want to be at peace with myself.

Wonderwall

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonderwall.

You and Me on a perfect day.

I hate crushes. Especially on people you can't ever have. They're annoying. Stupid. Fuck you up. I hate it. Stupid bloody feelings. Damn it. I can't handle this all over again. DAMN IT.

Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.

Take away everything I have. All the good deeds I've ever done. All the time I've been nice to someone. All the times I've done something nice without expecting something in return. All the times I've been on my knees, praying to a God I don't know exists. All my happy memories. Everytime I've made someone smile. Everything I've ever wanted.

Give him to me in return.